***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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