I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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