You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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