I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
please don't ironically join a cult
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