I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
