At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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