I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
