you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize