It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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