I can text with my tongue
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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