My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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