I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
