then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
