I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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