morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
