Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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