if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
