I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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