You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
