Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
