he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
