is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
