He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
