I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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