I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
