I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
