I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
