I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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