Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
