So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
