come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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