I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.