Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.