You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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