Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.