He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy