my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
