I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
