If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.