if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.