so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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