I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
