Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
