I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
