I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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