She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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