so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Damn victory sex feels great
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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