Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
