Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
