ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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