I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
