I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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