If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.