I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.