i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.