i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
