Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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