I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
