Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
