Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
