I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize