Tell her she can't have a vagina
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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