I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.