Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i barfeds in our rink

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(612): i barfeds in our rink http://tfl.nu/23a8

Replies (8) Good night (874) Bad night (2397)
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(231): View more from Michigan

I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

(906): View more from Michigan

so you're not coming in to work today?

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(231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u

Replies (13) Good night (1408) Bad night (4075)
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(914): View more from New York

Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

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(914): Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine. http://tfl.nu/4xx7

Replies (8) Good night (765) Bad night (6885)
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(818): View more from California

what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?

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(818): what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/e114

Replies (47) Good night (5675) Bad night (757)
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(513): View more from Ohio

she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."

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(513): she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead." http://tfl.nu/j1dy

Replies (34) Good night (5461) Bad night (1388)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

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(402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte

Replies (18) Good night (7290) Bad night (868)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???

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(614): Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale??? http://tfl.nu/bzai

Replies (6) Good night (3347) Bad night (1304)
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(425): View more from Washington

In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter

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(425): In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter http://tfl.nu/la90

Replies (5) Good night (3056) Bad night (1116)
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(616): View more from Michigan

We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.

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(616): We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style. http://tfl.nu/liij

Replies (2) Good night (2149) Bad night (722)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?

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(217): Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/sask

Replies (4) Good night (738) Bad night (1843)
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(816): View more from Missouri

this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?

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(816): this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..? http://tfl.nu/c9f0

Replies (9) Good night (1696) Bad night (784)
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(727): View more from Florida

This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus

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(727): This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus http://tfl.nu/9e56

Replies (8) Good night (865) Bad night (351)
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(561): View more from Florida

In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm

(561): View more from Florida

Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots

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(561): In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm (561): Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots http://tfl.nu/w2ja

Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (242)
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(314): View more from Missouri

The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.

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(314): The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise. http://tfl.nu/hqv3

Replies (5) Good night (426) Bad night (381)
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(515): View more from Iowa

It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada

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(515): It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada http://tfl.nu/dfi5

Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (227)

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