Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
