i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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