Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT