Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
