After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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