Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.

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  (608): No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat. http://tfl.nu/i15q
  Replies (14) Good night (3382) Bad night (730)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.

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  (586): sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey. http://tfl.nu/7b75
  Replies (15) Good night (3574) Bad night (605)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  school has made you so classy.

  (514): View more from Quebec

  that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.

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  (780): school has made you so classy. (514): that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884. http://tfl.nu/r8mz
  Replies (45) Good night (4196) Bad night (654)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5318) Bad night (809)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk

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  (814): Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk http://tfl.nu/i4kc
  Replies (9) Good night (5595) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

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  (781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0
  Replies (17) Good night (8619) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

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  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (24) Good night (10102) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's inspiring.

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  (910): All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day... (910): It's inspiring. http://tfl.nu/vfb2
  Replies (13) Good night (3412) Bad night (1278)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?

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  (507): security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs? http://tfl.nu/7ki8
  Replies (5) Good night (2437) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

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  (859): the best sex is "duke just lost" sex. http://tfl.nu/zw67
  Replies (33) Good night (6235) Bad night (1443)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."

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  (412): It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus." http://tfl.nu/ftkz
  Replies (4) Good night (2202) Bad night (681)
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  (716): View more from New York

  She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman

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  (716): She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman http://tfl.nu/qx5u
  Replies (5) Good night (863) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.

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  (256): I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth. http://tfl.nu/vzie
  Replies (0) Good night (438) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I spy something regrettable...

  (716): View more from New York

  Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.

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  (516): I spy something regrettable... (716): Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it. http://tfl.nu/hlqj
  Replies (1) Good night (533) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.

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  (425): I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled. http://tfl.nu/8xcn
  Replies (1) Good night (609) Bad night (207)

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