At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
