I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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