So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
