In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
