Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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