They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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