I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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