Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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