I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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