FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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