If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
