The maid of honor just puked.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
