Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
